not one single thing

Hi friends,

I posted earlier this week and mentioned I was going to share about the hard season I’m facing. There’s really no exciting way to say this: I have been facing anxiety.
I have friends and family that have experienced anxiety as well, so I know that this is nothing new under the sun. It’s just new for me. And I hate it. It just sucks.

The anxiety arrived out of nowhere. My heart pounds, my fears are raging, my thoughts are scrambled, and I feel on the verge of tears. I am just fragile and weak. It’s extremely frustrating and almost crippling. Like I said, it just sucks.stamped.jpg

And honestly, there is not one single thing causing my anxiety. I can’t point to one thing and conclude that that is the thing wearing on me. There are layers there. Many, many layers. However, I think underneath all the layers is unbelief.
Unbelief that God is in control, is good, is enough, is everything I need. My heart is not believing these truths and that is sinful.

And in the midst of this unbelief and suffering (because that’s truly what it is), I am praising God for four things:

  1. I am praising God for the grace and fogiveness found in Jesus. It’s amazing that God never leaves me no matter how unbelieving my heart is. Grace upon grace.
  2. I am praising God that I have been able to share these feelings with many close friends and family. I have truly felt their prayers and there are no words for how helpful they have been. It’s so comforting to know I’m not praying alone.
  3. I am praising God for my husband. He talks me down, reminds me of the truth, and loves me so well. He knows there are times to let me cry and times to kick my butt (figuratively, of course). He listens even when I don’t know how to communicate.
  4. I am praising God for His Word. Without a doubt, I could not be getting through each day without God’s Word. This is good for me to experience because there have been SO many days that I can get through without Scripture. That is heartbreaking and not the life I want to live.

The fact is, anxiety is normal. But just because it is normal does not mean I shouldn’t battle it to the death. Anxiety/unbelief is battled by grace and grace alone. It is by God’s grace that I can meditate on God’s Word and ask for the help of His Holy Spirit. By His Word, God promises to wipe away my unbelief so that I can see clearly. And the Holy Spirit sanctifies me through this.

Here are some of the Scriptures that have been so helpful for me during this time:

  • Pslam 103: 2-5
    Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits, who forgives all your iniquity, who heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit, who crowns you with steadfast love and mercy, who satisfies you with good so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s.
  • Pslam 34: 4-5
    I sought the Lord, and he answered me and delivered me from all my fears. Those who look to him are radiant, and their faces shall never be ashamed.
  • Hebrews 4:2
    For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart.
  • Mark 9: 24
    Immediately the father of the child cried out and said, “I believe; help my unbelief!”
  • Psalm 38: 9
    O Lord, all my longing is before you; my sighing is not hidden from you.
  • 2 Corinthian 4:16-18
    So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.

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If you have ever faced anxiety, I am so sorry. I feel your pain and it is terrible. We always have good news in Jesus, promises in the Word, and prayers on our behalf. We can rest in the gospel always.

I will be praying for you as I pray for myself.

xo sarah

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2 thoughts on “not one single thing

  1. 😦 I have totally been there. It’s scary, and frustrating, and hard to feel so out of control. Thankfully, God helped me pull through and understand what was happening inside. I will be praying for peace, and I’d love to get together with you sometime too and talk more. Your honesty and vulnerability are honorable, and I know there are others that will be comforted to know they’re not the only ones. ❤

    • Thank you so much for your comment and encouraging words Tabitha! What a blessing to hear your heart and about your own experience with this struggle. I would love to get coffee with you and hear more about how God helped you through the season. Thank you! ❤

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